Sometimes you have to embrace the rain

                                                         The few from my host house :-)
...the rain from your eyes that is (strange analogy I know haha).  Today was the first day of my placement at the CFCA in San Antonio Palopo.  There were so many emotions and thoughts going through my mind as I looked towards today.  I was excited to become more involved in the community and the people as well but this idea also threw my anxiety into gear.  I knew that my supervisor at my placement does not speak English and that I would need to go armed with my dictionary.  I was also nervous about today because its the first day since we've arrive in Guatemala that I haven't seen my friends from the program.  We're all around the lake for our placements and living so there are some days when we don't see each other.  Knowing that this comfort was being taken away made the day seem a little more nerve racking.  Although I was nervous about the language barrier and not seeing my friends, I felt semi-confident in the Spanish I had learned in class over the past two days and thought "Hey I have enough to get me through a conversation right?".  I prepared my things this morning, had breakfast with my host mom, and the girl that helps out around the house and the young woman and I set out down the street towards the CFCA office.  The walk wasn't long and I tried my best to have a conversation with her in Spanish.  She was very sweet and patient and we were able to laugh together over the large amount of flies that had come out since the rain the night before.  On our walk there, we experienced some common occurrences as you walk the streets of Guatemala.  It is not uncommon to have to move to the side of the (very) skinny roads to avoid the pick-ups that are driving past or cars trying to drive down the street.  I also noticed a woman washing her clothes in the lake.  Such a strange mix of emotions when I think about the fact that because I come from the US I can't drink the water because it will make me sick but it is probably a daily occurrence for this woman to wash her clothes in the same water that I am afraid to touch.  Really makes you think.

After a short 5 minute walk, we arrived at the CFCA office and knocked on the door...no answer.  Okay, not the best way to start out a day that is already making me nervous.  The girl and I stood at the door for a few minutes and then Rosario, my host mom called her and asked what was happening and she told her Antonio (my placement supervisor) wasn't there yet.  Rosario suggested we head back to the house and figure things out from there.  So we went on down the steps back towards the house and as we were walking Linda, the director of our program called and gave me the number of Antonio so that my host mom could call him and see what was going on (Rosario called because the convo between Antonio and I would have pretty much gone "Hola.  Como estas?" lol).  Rosario called once we got back to the house and Antonio said that he was only a few minutes away.  So back I went, trying to enjoy the walk as I went back the way I had just come.

I arrived (again) at the CFCA office and Antonio was there.  We greeted one another and smiled, holding a small conversation with my shaky Spanish.  Thus began one of the most humbling experiences of my life.  Like anyone who is fluent in a language, Antonio spoke very fast and the Spanish that I had acquired during my classes with my host mom was slipping from my brain.  I slowly felt myself feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I was siting in the room with someone who I could not really understand and who was having a hard time understanding my Spanish (he spoke no English at all).  Up to this point, I had always had someone around me during my time here that spoke some English; enough to help me understand what was happening and to be my human dictionary so I could say what I wanted in Spanish.  This was totally out of my realm of comfort...I mean pretty much around the world away from what I thought I could handle.  I hung in there for awhile trying to understand what was happening, where I was supposed to be, and what the plan was for my placement.  Antonio (I think lol) kept asking me if I had a plan and I said to him in Spanish no but I was told you did...and the convo went in circles from there for awhile.

At one point another CFCA gentleman came in and was conversing with me in Spanish.  Eventually the conversation sort of stalled and I realized I still did not know what was going on for the day.  I sat there for awhile trying to be content with the situation and waiting it out until it was almost an hour and a half since I had arrived and nothing much had happened.  At this point I was starting to feel tears but told myself to be strong and use my resources.  So I called one of my professors and told her the situation.  She than asked to talk to Antonio because she is relatively fluent in Spanish but than the convo got cut off in the middle....ahhh.  I called my professor back and she continued to talk to Antonio.  Eventually it became understood that I would either help with teaching kids English or doing home visits.  Although things had been resolved my cup was way full and I was desperate to talk to talk to someone back home.  I first called my sister from my Guatemalan phone, a number she wouldn't have recognized but she didn't answer.  I than tried my best friend Lindsay and was able to get a hold of her.  You know how it feels when you are with people you don't know and you are able to hold in the tears but when you talk to someone who knows you so well, the walls just break down?  Yeah that most definitely happened haha.  Linds said hello and asked me how it was going and the tears began to pour from my eyes. Now up until this point I hadn't really been overwhelmed and had embraced the language barrier that existed between me and most of the people.  Being by myself, I realized how difficult it really was and realized how much of an immersion experience this really was going to be.

I learned so many things today as I began my service learning journey.  One of many was the fact that God can work through and between people even with the biggest of barriers like language.  I honestly think God gave Lindsay the free time to answer the phone because I needed so bad to not only talk to someone who could speak English but needed to hear the voice and comfort of someone who I have known more than five days.  Through the phone conversation, I learned that Lindsay had sent me an email just that morning with the story from the Bible that talks about all the people that are gathered listening for the gospel and each person hears it in there only language because the Holy Spirit provided for them on the Pentecost.  In a small way God is providing me with my own Pentecost experience like the people in this story and is asking me to trust that the Holy Spirit will break through this seemingly impossible language barrier to be able to communicate how much I love them as people and want to be a part of the experience.  Lindsay reminded me through this story how amazing it can be the a smile can sometimes communicate more than words and a simple hug can help to show the caring and love that I have for the people around me.  Sometimes God forces us to slow down even in the midst of situations that appear to be super overwhelming and places in our path people who remind us of what we already know but sometimes forget...God will never abandon us in out times of need and God created the diversity of language to show how amazing He is not to push us apart.  I know that continued studying and learning in my Spanish classes will be helpful to the situation, but I also know that God has placed me here for some reason and I need to embrace that, not fear it.  So yeah, sometimes you have to embrace the rain and have a good cry in order to force yourself to slow down and stop trying to "be strong" and let God remind you that no situation is impossible when you give it all up to Him.  I felt a hundred times better after talking with Linds and I hope she knows how amazing her listening ear and Biblical advice was to me today.

I ask for continued prayer for communication and prayer that I can continue to be flexible and laugh at the situations that come from my lack of Spanish.  Everyone I have encountered has been so patient and kind as I rapidly flip through my dictionary to find the word I need and I need to remember that.  People are judging me, they simply appreciate that I am trying.  Laughing at myself and not putting pressure and perfection on myself is going to help immensely and I ask for prayer that I can avoid doing those things.  No one expects me to be perfect and God doesn't send those who are perfect, He takes them by the hand and guides them. Thank you all for praying and reading...it's so up lifting to come back to my room and see how many people are following my journey.  I hope that wherever you are and whatever you are doing you can be reminded that God can overcome the biggest of barriers and that we just need to lay down our defenses and He is there waiting to walk us through those doors that seem like brick walls to us.

Buenos noches amigos :)

Immersion

Hi!  Sorry its been a few days since the last update!  The internet the first few days was spotty and I just got a modem yesterday from the Tigo store (cell service down here) and now I can get on the internet!!!  Crazy how much the internet is a part of my day and my life and when I was without it for a few days it was tragic haha.  It's funny to me because when I was in Malawi I really didn't think to much of it but here it's like a normalcy thing for me I guess and having the internet allows me to connect with people who speak English when my head is so full from speaking, hearing, and trying to interpret Spanish all day.  I think another reason the next post has been a few days coming is because I needed to take time to process and reflect on all of the things I was seeing as well as how I was feeling about the whole experience.  It was an interesting adjustment and I'll do my best to explain haha.  When I first got here, I was so excited.  Those who know me know that I have a travelers heart and that my need to travel and explore is a huge part of who I am.  I love being in new places with new people and being around large groups of people.  I had a dear friend tell me a few weeks ago that I have a gift of coming into a group of people I don't know and feeling comfortable allowing me to easily make friends and make others feel comfortable.  Over the past two years of post graduation I have come to realize how much a part of me this is and how important it is for me to be around people.  All that to say, I was excited for the chance to meet a whole new group of people on this trip.  I am still amazed how much God has blessed me with some of these girls on the trip.  There are twenty or so people in the Social Work group and about twenty or so in the anthropology group as well.  I thank God every time I think about how He has allowed me to get close to a a handful of these girls.  God created for me a little family away from my family and although we have only know each other for less than a week, i feel like I have know them forever.  We have joked together, cried together, and shared how nervous we are about different parts of our experience.  We have explored parts of the city together and helped one another lower prices on items from the street vendors.  We've laughed together about how little Spanish some of us know and have traded stories about the experiences we have had so far with our host families.  These girls are in a way a center for me as I explore a culture, language, and lifestyle completely new to me.  We have had orientation the past few days in the morning and it has been so wonderful to be able to come from being with my host family and come together with these girls and feel truly like we have know each other for years.  In my mind I compare it to the relationships you form as a counselor at summer camp.  You can't explain why you become so close to people who you have never known but those experiences you have with those people could never be explained to people outside of that situation even though they are so willing to listen.  Adjusting to a new culture, living with a family for seven weeks I didn't know two days ago, and not being able to speak the language of the country well is something that is hard to understand unless you have experienced it.  My new amigas know what it feels like to go through all this and I feel so blessed that God has put me with such a wonderful group of girls.  

The past few days have been whirlwind and I feel like I have been here for longer than I have.  My friend Emily and I were joking yesterday that we just have to take it day by day because if you think seven weeks are still to come its too much lol.  Day by day is the way that I have been taking it and it is helpful not only for the anxiety but also it allows me to be more present in my experience here.  As I mentioned in my last post (I believe) the entire group stayed together on Friday in Guatemala City and on Saturday in Panajachel.  This really gave us all time to bond and get to know each other as well as slowly adjust to being in a different country.  On Sunday was the day the bird was forced to leave the nest....meeting the host family day.  Up until Sunday I hadn't really thought much about it but when we got on the launcha (Spanish for boat) to head to our host family it became very real and the nerves started to set in.  Slowly people got dropped off in different communities around the lake and met there host families.  I was the last one of the first group to get dropped off at my host families town and by that time I was freaking out a little.  Luckily I didn't have much to be nervous about because my host mom was and it still so wonderful and sweet, giving me a hug as soon as we met.  I am living with a family that has a mom, dad, and two kids.  The two kids are 9 and 11 and I couldn't have asked God for a better family set-up.  Alejandra is my 9 year old host sister and Jerico is my 11 year old host brother and I don't want to think about the homesickness that could have set in on Sunday if they hadn't been here.  Jerico took me around the town of San Antonio Palopo and showed me some of the things around town including one of the churches and different features of the town.  Thankfully he and his sister speak English so I was able to talk with Jerico as we walked around town.  When we got back I met Ale and for the rest of the day, the kids requested to play games which was so funny.  We played Bancopoly (like Monopoly lol), a small game of Ninja, some funny picture taking, and a game Ale made up where we hid stuff around the room and had to find it.  My room here is not that big so that game didn't last that long hahah.  Ale then came up with this game where we went out of the room and changed something about ourselves which pretty much consisted of switching a bracelet or tucking in my shirt but hey they found it funny so I went with it haha.  I am so thankful that I have kids at my home stay because up until drop off I wasn't sure if I did and I know that they have made the adjustment much easier and will continue to.  They are currently sitting on my bed with me doing there homework while I am blogging....its absolutely adorable.  For the past two nights I have gone back into my room after my language classes to relax and read something anything that is in English (haha) and the kids have knocked on my door and come in with their backpacks to do homework.  My host mom said that they said I'm like their big sister....I just love it.  

I know this post is getting quite lengthy but I would just like to ask for prayer for learning the language and continued adjustment into my family and the culture.  Things have gone really well tomorrow but tomorrow is the start of our service placements and my NCSU professor told me that she thinks not many of the people who work there speak English.  It's a humbling experience to be a 23 year old young adult who can't understand a word that is being said around her.  I ask for prayers for humbleness, flexibility, and the ability to laugh at myself when I use the wrong words or can't remember them.  I also ask for prayer that I won't be self-conscious or nervous about using the little Spanish that I know because my host mom/language teacher told me I am doing well but need to get over that fear.  I also pray for endurance as I continue 4 hours of language class per day for the next 2 weeks.  Julie you were so right when you said that at the end of the night my brain would hurt haha.  I come into my room after language class and listen to music in English haha.  As I was arriving in Panajachel today for more orientation I heard one of the group members call my name and ask me how I was in English and I felt like someone had just handed me gold.  I am praying for continued learning and understanding of Spanish so that I can enjoy the times I get to speak English with my friends but also realize how beneficial it is to be able to communicate with people of other languages.  

*********

Those little stars indicate a pause haha...I just got off of Skype with mamma and daddy....miss them lots and lots.  If you're thinking about it, send up a prayer that there is not much home sickness.  It can be hard in a place where legit everything from the language down to where you put the toilet paper (in the trash can!!!) is different. 

Here are a few pictures to enjoy until I can get the rest up on Facebook.  Thank you so much for reading :).  love you all.  Buenas noches!           

Hola!

                                         Me, Elizabeth, Rebecca, and Laura (thanks to Talia the photographer)


Hola!  Greetings from Guatemala!   We're here and safe!  Flying was not bad and it seemed to go really really fast compared to how long it took to Malawi...I don't think anything will beat that haha.  Talia and I were on the same flights and were seated next to each other on our flight from Houston to Guatemala City which was great :).  I can't believe I'm here already!  This morning I woke up and went to the airport and now I'm sitting in another country in hotel with a whole new group of people.  I'm feeling so many things...I'm excited, nervous about the language barrier, overwhelmed (in a good way) of all the new things I saw just between the airport and hotel, anxious to get started at my service placement, so excited to meet my new family but most of all blessed.  It was only 1 year yesterday that I returned from one of the most life changing experiences in Malawi, Africa and now I'm here in Guatemala for 2 months...talk about God being good huh?  Sometimes my desire to see more and do more and travel and add to the list of places I've been can overshadow where I have been and all the places God has blessed me to go.  I am so unbelievable lucky and blessed.  The students who had arrived before us made us goody bags with snacks and things which was so nice to arrive to because for some reason traveling makes me hungry! (haha).  So here's to a beginning of an amazing adventure and I'm excited to see what God has in store for me over the next two months. :) 
Adios amigos. :)

the ministry of presence

I feel that God puts certain people in our lives to teach us things.  The strength I see in these people is unbelievable and reassures me that God is with them during their times of struggle.  As many of you know, I volunteer at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh and just recently finished a 16 week practicum with CHP's Child Life Department.  During my time there I have met so many wonderful and inspiring patients who probably don't even know how much of an impact they have had on me.  I've worked with so many patients and have grown very close to some patients that I have seen over time as I have been at CHP.  The strangest thing is that now that I have been there for a while, I have started to encounter patients that I know from my life outside of those hospital walls who are people treated at CHP.  Two particular patients that come to mind have just been recently diagnosed with leukemia.  I had the wonderful privilege of being able to visit with these two patient's and their families today.  The thing that amazed me the most was the smiles on the faces of these two little ones even though what they are experiencing could not any adult of their feet.  One of the things that took my breath away was the family support of not only the patients but the support of families by families.  I was talking to the father of one of cancer kids and I asked him if he had been able to receive some support from the other families on the floor since his daughter had been diagnosed and his answer made me want to fall to my knees.  He said "Oh yeah these people have been great.  They've been so wonderful.  You have to get know them, I mean you're going to be living next to them and going through all of this together".  I witnessed three family units sitting in the sun room all talking about their experiences of having a child with cancer and one mom (who's daughter had been diagnosed for some time) offering support and advice to the families whose children were newly diagnosed.  I truly believe that God used this small snippet of time in my day to show me the obvious truth that He is still at work in this world in bringing people together even through the most trying of circumstances and the true strength of people's faith even when things seem so impossible.

I'm sorry if this post was confusing because of the lack of names haha but I wanted to respect the privacy of these two amazing families.  I'm a fix it kind of girl and want more than anything to make the hurt, sadness, and struggles of these families go away because no one deserves this.  But I think God is time and time again using my experience with individuals at Children's to show me the importance of the ministry of presence.  During my time in Malawi last year, I was introduced to the idea of the ministry of presence and God has continued to show me the importance of this gift to people during there struggles.  There was nothing that I could do to make the pain and suffering of a stroke riddled man go away while in Malawi nor the disability of this adorable baby that made him an outcast of society.  And there is nothing that I can do to make these two sweet girls be free of pediatric cancer.



As I sit here right now I truly believe that God is taking me by the shoulders and saying "Please, please cast the burdens and the feeling of needing to fix the hurt of those around you on Me because I am the only one who can fix this".  I believe that God is showing me that being there for those who are hurting and being that sounding board and listening ear 

can be the best gift you can give to someone or their family as they wade through the struggles they are facing.  I want so bad to be the one who can make a difference and do something big in this world but I thank God for slowing me down and reminding me that I am just His messenger and that ultimately He is the one who gets to make the difference and I get to be one of the many faces that represent Him.  

To sort of side track from the more serious haha, I'd like to share some photos of the past few days of some wonderful events that have occurred.  First, my baby sister graduated from college!

So proud of her and I can't wait to see where God takes her in her next chapter of life!  One piece of advice for you baby sister is to take this next chapter and let God guide you in it.  I had this "perfect" idea of what I wanted post-college life to look like and it took me awhile to realize God's plan was gonna be different than mine and that I'd be much more at peace if I just let Him take the reigns on this one :).

Another fun event was my cousin Evan's senior percussion concert.  He and I have always bonded over our nerdy love for band and percussion haha and I was so proud of him this weekend as he stepped way out of his shell and preformed the heck out of the percussion music on Friday night :)

So in two short days I'm off on my Guatemalan adventure....eeeek!  I've got most of the packing done and just trying to finish off a few last minute things before heading out early Friday morning!  Prayers would be appreciated as I travel and get settled in during the beginning of the trip.  I feel like God has great plans for this trip and I'm excited for the crazy, wild ride that this trip is going to be :).  Also prayers for communication would be great as well being that my Spanish is ummm well rusty to put it nicely hahah.  I pray that God blesses each of you and that your journey is an adventure because no matter where God takes us He's always using us for some part of his amazing plan.  

Children go where I send thee

In 9 days, this will be what I will see for the next 2 months. :)