Missing normal

Today is one of those days where I'm missing things that are "normal" to me. This morning I woke up and just felt kind of blah and couldn't quite figure out if it was homesickness or something else. As I was riding the pick up into the city to meet some friends, I realized that it wasn't necessarily home I was missing but being in normal surroundings. I miss being with people who have known me for years. I miss being able to walk around town and not have people stare because I look different. I miss being able to understand the conversations around me and the security that brings with it. I miss the schedule of the trolley when I need to get somewhere. I miss being able to pull out my iPhone and not worry about people seeing it. I miss being able to run my toothbrush under the water instead of avoiding the faucet like the plague because it could make me sick. I miss sitting on the couch with my family having couch time and watching Ellen.

A part of me didn't wanted to post about this because I wanted to remain strong and not make it seem like I wasn't appreciating the experience that God has so richly blessed me with. But another part of me knew that I had to be honest with myself and be real with the fact that even the world traveler/new experiences part of me yearns for that feeling of normal and the comfort that normal brings.

As I sit here I pray that God can ease that anxiety that so commonly tries to creep in when I feel like this and that He can grant me peace to enjoy the remaining two weeks I have here in Guatemala. I absolutely love my host family and the wonderful friends that I have made and I don't want to miss a moment of that by wishing I was somewhere other than where I am now.

Contentment is something I have always struggled with and is something that my pride hates to admit. I can't remember what the verse is but there is a part in the good old word of god where it talks about worrying and how that can't bring another moment to your life and how it really doesn't do anybody very much good. Worrying where I'm gonna be in two weeks and not being content with where I am right now is not going to make time any faster or help me to see the blessing that God has blessed me with anymore clearly. Thank you as always for reading and for encouraging me on this journey :).

a sprint or a marathon

Today I  had several conversations with people that made me realize how long we have been here and the amount that I have grown since my first days of being in Guatemala.  I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that God walked me through every step of the way because the nervous girl who knew almost zero Spanish when she arrived has grown into a woman who is becoming more and more comfortable every day with the culture, language, and people and is now unsure of how to leave.  It hard to think that in three weeks I will have to leave a place I have learned to love and have begun to really live instead of feeling like a visitor.  My days consist of working at my placement with people from the States as well as local Guatemalan individuals.  I get a chance to work directly with the smalls of the community and help to teach them English.  Having a purpose and a direction for what I am doing here has made my time here feel more and more like a second home.  


One thing that came to mind today was the analogy that this trip is similar to what I feel like when I'm going for a run.  I start out the run checking my watch every five minutes to see how close I am to being done because I just can't go anymore but once I hit that goal time I feel like I could keep running for longer and wasn't sure why I wanted to stop.  I feel like my mind set on this trip has been similar.  When I arrived in Guatemala, I would catch myself thinking about how getting to the end of the week and then reminding myself of how many more I needed to go until I returned to the States.  Now that week four has been completed and we are on the down hill as far as time left, I keep thinking to myself how I don't know how I'm going to leave when the time comes.  As difficult as it was at the beginning, I am getting used to be surrounded by Spanish all the time and even spoke mostly in Spanish this evening to my host parents when telling them about my day.  They both speak excellent English so at the beginning when I wouldn't feel like speaking Spanish I could fall back into English.  For some reason today it dawned on me how little time I have left to take advantage of having people around me who can help me improve and what an amazing opportunity it is.  As the Counting Crows song says:

Don't it always seem to go

That you don't know what you got till it's gone

I feel really blessed that God reminded me what a unique opportunity I have here before I was home and it was too late. 


Another thought that crossed my mind while I was thinking today again related to the idea of running.  Many of the experiences we have in life, whether it be a trip like this or what we think as typical life, are meant to be experienced and not rushed through.  They are meant to be run with endurance and with a steady pace.  I find myself always trying to get to a certain point or looking towards a goal and need to be conscious of being in the moment and not looking towards the end of the trip or the end of the week.  This verse from Hebrews 12 came to mind today as I thought about how this trip.  

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

God wants me to run this race with endurance; he wants to take each day as it is and learn and grow as much as I can by being present in the moment even when its difficult or uncomfortable being surrounded by people with whom I can't communicate effectively or being the only person for miles who has my same skin tone and language.  No one expected me to learn Spanish in two weeks and God and those more intelligent then myself knew that it would take time.  I got this idea in my head that I would get it right off the bat and when I didn't it was discouraging.  While talking to a friend on Tango, we were talking about speaking Spanish and I said "Oh yeah mine is still pretty rusty".  My friend said, "Well you said it was getting easier right?".  After getting off the phone I sat back and really thought about what I had learned and my ability to communicate; how that had changed over the weeks of being in Guatemala.  It was in that moment I think that God reminded me that if I take that pressure off of myself and feel the joy of the progress I have made, I can see how beneficial this part of the race has been.  Today, Lindsay was my "huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith" that helped to remind me how much God had been working with me and along side me through my race, my marathon of Guatemala.  No marathon is run by sprinting through but by taking it mile by mile; in my case day by day and enjoying the journey because by only looking towards the end you become overwhelmed and miss the amazing things that are beside you as you jog down the road. 

I pray that I can continue to notice the things, people events, and experiences that God has for me as I run along through the next three weeks.  I pray that I can continue to feel the confidence of God as I did today when I spoke Spanish.  I felt confident and happy and filled with joy as I held a conversation primarily in Spanish with my host mother this evening.  Even though she might not have even realized it, that simple comment from Lindsay helped me to realize that yes I can do it and I have improved and that by simply enjoying the experience without the expectation of perfection, I could do anything with God's help :).   As always, thank you for reading and for the encouraging words about the blog.  I thank the many people that have complemented me on it and want you all to know how encouraging it is to be able to have the chance to blog and share my experiences with the important people in my life.  Have a fantastic evening and hug your family :).  

different but the same

*travel by pickup - travel by car with seat belts

*(attempt) to speak Spanish - everyone speaks English

*most people are 5'6" max - myself and most of my friends and family are over 5'9"

*MUST drink water from a blue agua pura cooler - H20 comes straight from the tap

*skirts and capris - shorts and tank tops

*people carrying things in large pieces of fabric - North Face back packs and purses

*bunches of different little stores to get the things I need - one swift trip to Giant Eagle and back on home

*spoty internet - internet in every place imaginable, even on phones

*constantly needing to watch my bag - leaving my bag at the table while I run to the bathroom

Today was one of those days where I was noticing every little difference here in Guatemala from my life at home.  I know that these days come around every now in then with an immersion experience like this and I think a lot of it has to do with coming back from a "touristy" weekend with friends in Antigua.  It was a day where I could have let myself get overwhelmed by the numerous differences I see in my "normal" here in Guatemala.  It was one of those days where the countdown to home was on the forefront of my mind and where four weeks seems like a year.  It was one of those days where I wasn't sure how I was going to get from June 18th to July 17th.  It was one of those days where I realized how much I take for granted being able to walk around at night without feeling worried out of my mind (don't worry Dad I haven't gone walking at night just saying!  haha).  It was one of those days where I wanted to joke with my best friend about her dog, marriage, my bunny, and silly camp things.  It was one of those days where I wanted to be sitting in my family room with my family watching Ellen and teasing my sister about convulsing over her computer haha.

It was also one of those days where I could have forgotten how much God has blessed me.  It was one of those days where I could have forgotten that God gave me some amazing friends right here beside me to walk this journey together.  It was one of those days where the unbelievable blessing of having the money, ability, and privilege to travel could have been overshadowed by the differences.  It was one of those days where I could have forgotten that God comes with me every step of every place I go and would never ever leave me to get through the next four weeks alone.  It was one of those days where the words of Joshua 1:9 were my life line 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." 

As I was sitting in the truck traveling from my placement to home, I started humming a worship song.  I honestly can't remember which one it was or how it came into my head but I know that God was trying to get through my self-worry and let me know that He has been with me every step of the past three weeks and will do the same for the next four weeks here in Guatemala.  God wanted to remind me through this worship song that although there are so many things that are different and so many things that I miss about what is comfortable, there are also so many things that are the same.

*close friends to laugh, cry, and joke with

*amazing young woman to have honest and open conversations with

*the ability to meet people from my very own home town with the same name even from thousands of miles away

*the comfort of a hug from a "mom" when I get home from a long day

*the smile of a stranger as I travel home

*the comforting words of a friend from home who is just across the lake and understands what I am going through

*watching Wall-E with my brother and sister because its summer vacation

*dancing and singing around my room

*eating spaghetti for dinner because my "mom" knows its my favorite

*being able to worship my savior through music and sermons

*the absolute joy of a child's smile and receiving a hug from a little one who loves you even though they can't tell you through there words

There are so many things that are different about being here but there are so many things that are the same.  There are so many differences that can overwhelm and overshadow what is the same; friends, family, worship, laughter, and God's provision just to name a few.  I just love what that verse in Joshua says about not being afraid of what is coming or where I might be going because no matter where that is God is coming right along side me.  There is no need to worry or be anxious because God's got this.  Way easier said than done sometimes but comforting all the same.  I love what God has taught me so far about the differences of the culture I am currently living in but also providing me with the opportunity to remember the similarities regardless of what country I'm in.  So yeah, it was one of those days where I was afraid the weeks would drag by and could have become overwhelmed but it was also one of those days where God reminded me of what an amazing experience I am having and how much I love to travel and do adventurous things.  It was one of those days where I can go to sleep in a comfortable bed, in warm clothes with my teddys right by my side knowing that although my physical location is different I still have the love of a family around me, the support of amazing friends, and the comfort of the familiar in some ways through small stuffed bears who have traveled the world withe me.    

I feel like God is encouraging me to take a step outside of myself and love on the others around me, both the Guatemala children and adults I work with and the people in my group.  I feel like God is asking me to throw my comfort aside and look into the needs of others around me.  I know that God is asking me and calling to me to take His hand and trust what He has in store for the next four weeks.  I know that God is telling me that by doing so I can not just get through but live through and love through these next four weeks.  I want to get to the end of the next four weeks not by marking the days off of a calendar but by writing down the things I have seen, the people I have met, and the memories I have made.  I would ask for continued prayer to trust in God's plan and comfort and safety as I have a mini re-adjustment after a long weekend of mini-vacation in Antigua.  Thank you so so much for reading and loving and praying.  Remember God's love for you tonight and let Him walk with you on whatever journey it is that you are on :-).

feliz dia del padre (and my first attempt at 7 takes)

Happy father's day from Guatemala!  I can't believe it is already father's day because that means that I have been in Guatemala for 3 weeks already!  Crazy how time can speed by.  Happy father's day to the world's best (in my opinion lol) dad :-D.  Today was a hard day for being away from home...guess I noticed missing home a little more because it was a special day for my dad and I have always been at least in the country for the last 22 father's days haha.  But as I have said before I have some of the most supportive friends on this trip and I know that God has so wonderfully blessed me with them.  While at church today, I mentioned to my friend Asia that I was missing my dad today and she turned, gave me a hug, and in a (histarically) deep voice said, "I'll be your dad" hahahaha.  When your friend says she will be your father in a funny deep voice you can't help but laugh and remember how what a blessing it is to have such wonderful friends.  And don't worry another friend Julia offered to be my mother hahaha.  Laughing with friends is such a wonderful blessing and I can't thank God enough for the gift of laughter and the many times that it has been so helpful during this trip.

So a dear friend of mine also writes a blog and she does this wonderful thing called 7 takes.  She gives 7 takes of things that she wants to talk about or that have been going on in her life.  It is a very cool way to share and I figured I'd give it a try as I share about my long weekend excursion :).

1.So thankful for weekends away: This past weekend, myself and the other students from my group had a four day weekend in Antigua, Guatemala.  Unfortunately no we were not on the island of Antigua which caused great confusion for my worldly traveling aunts and uncles haha.  It was so so nice to not only have a trip away from our "normal" lives here but also to be with close friends.  I could not have asked for two more wonderful roommates this trip.  We laughed so so much this weekend and I loved every second of it.  We were able to tour ruins and old churches and eat tons and tons of delicious food.  There was this one place that had the worlds best cheesecake...I think we went almost every we were there haha.

2.Sleepovers are not only for kids: One of my close friends in the program came to my town on Wednesday and had a sleepover at my home stay!  We went to the festival in town and played on the swings in the park with my host brother and sister.  I love love swings and we laughed and took pictures and it was just wonderful.  In true sleepover fashion, we fell asleep sideways on the bed watching Forest Gump....so so wonderful :).


3.Party party: This past week there was so much partying happening in my town!  Every year, the town celebrates the saint who the town is named after, which for me is Saint Anthony.  My host dad who works part time for the town, brought home a schedule of events for the week which went from 5am to 10pm every day.  And let me tell you, there was literally music and fireworks going off every day all day.  One day we went to an event where the town chose the queen of San Antonio for that year....it was a wonderful cultural experience and I loved getting to see the traditional outfits and how many people showed up to the event.  It seemed like the whole town!  Everyone was so supportive and there was this cute old guy sitting near me who clapped so loud for every candidate lol.  My host sister was wonderful and was my little translator during the ceremony :).  


4.I got to talk to my brother!!!!:  I know I shared this in my last post but I was so excited to get to talk to Jimmy on Friday!  Because we are 8 hours apart with him being in France and me being in Guatemala, it was such a blessing to chat for a little and hear some about his adventures :).


5.Schools out for the summer!: My host brother and sister finished school for the year!  They were so excited to tell me how they finished and passed today when I saw them.  I had not seen them all weekend because I had been gone since Thursday and they couldn't wait to share some celebratory Oreo's with me that their mom had gave them because they had done so well in school :).


6.Dance machine: I got to go dancing this weekend!!! It was so so much fun!  Three friends and I found a place to go dancing while on our trip.  I think the Guatemalan people thought we were so funny with our crazy American dancing hahah.


7.Prayers please :): First, thank you all so much for all the prayers about language barrier and being comfortable here and adjustment and for my mamma being sick.  I wanna ask for prayer for my best friends grandma who was taken to the hospital last week with some heart issues and some beginning signs of dementia.  Pray for her and her family as they adjust to this diagnosis and figure out what the next step is for her grandmother as far as her living situation.

Ruins from an old church in Antigua :)

Thank you as always for reading and I hope everyone has a wonderful start to your week!  Adios amigos :-)

   

Butterflies and Air-o-planes

The Clarks song was stuck in my head haha so that was the inspiration behind that blog title haha.  I can't believe its already half way through week 3!  It feels like it is going fast but at the same time it feels like there are many more weeks to come.  All in all I am starting to feel comfortable and at home here in a way.  I don't think it will ever feel completely 'normal' but I am falling into a rhythm every day of going to my placement and working with the kids and spending time with my host family.  For those of you who have asked (and thank you so much for doing so!) the language thing is getting easier but always an eventful time when I try to speak in Spanish.  The other day I had to get my internet modem to work again and by the time I went into the fourth store I simply held up the modem and pointed hahah.

This past week was the festival of San Antonio, which is the celebration of the saint of the town Saint Anthony.  There were festivities and things happening all week long and it was such a blessing to get to be a part of such an important cultural experience.  As I was walking through the crowds of the events on various nights with my brother and sister I realized how much taller I was than most of the people here haha...pretty funny :).  On Monday evening, my family and I attended a pageant of some sort where they choose the queen of San Antonio for that year.  There was lots of traditional dancing, a man lip sang a Spanish song with a really big sombrero on haha, and some beautiful traditional outfits.  My host sister sat on my lap and explained to me all the different things that were happening and the music was wonderful.  Last night, one of my friends from the program came to my town and spent the night so we were able to go to some more of the festivities together.  One of the things included some men playing marimba and other instruments and it was so fantastic!  They are very talented here and the inner band geek in me came out as I watched them play haha.  After we watched the marimba players, my brother and sister said it was time to go down in front of the church and watch the "castle" of fireworks.  Little did Elizabeth and I know that it would be THE most terrifying and exciting experience hahah.  Needless to say there was not a parking garage between us and the fireworks like at home.....made for quite an adventure.  

It was so so wonderful to have Elizabeth with me last night.  Like I said we got to spend time at the festival and seeing things around the town, but we also were able to talk and watch Forest Gump.  We also went to the little park in front of the lake where there was swings and had ourselves a grand old time swinging.  For those you who know about my love of swings, it pretty much made my night :).  Gotta love how sleepovers are still fun even at 23 haha.  It was such an amazing blessing to have her spend time at my homestay and to have someone to relax and hang out with and simply just watch a movie.  Sometimes down time with friends can be the best medicine.   

Today we traveled to Antigua, another city in Guatemala and are staying here until Sunday.   It is four days of absolute relaxation and having very few plans.  I am so thankful for the time to rest and recharge after kind of going full speed ahead for the past two and a half weeks here.  Tonight a few of us went out to lunch, dessert, and then dinner later on in the night, broken up by a Pretty Little Liars marathon....Maddie would be so proud :).  

A huge blessing today was that I was able to talk with Jimmy.  Since he's in France and I'm in Guatemala, we're eight hours apart and have not been able to talk much.  It was only about fifteen minutes but it was so nice to hear his voice.  I am so glad that we're studying abroad at the same time and can come back with amazing stories and adventures that we've been blessed with.  One thing I would ask for prayer for is for my mamma.  She'll probably get so embarrassed that I wrote about her haha but when I skyped her today she told me she had the flu which is never fun.  I pray that she can have time to rest and feel better very very soon.  Alrighty folks well its off to bed for this little Guatemalan adventurer...a week of busy busy busy and a day of nothing can make a girl tired haha.  Thanks always for reading.  Hug your loved ones :), count your blessings :), and have a fantastic evening :).         

Blessings

Oh my goodness has this been a busy week...sorry I haven't been able to update!  The week has been full of Spanish classes, working at the Mayan Families preschool, an ankle sprain (lol), and a continued growing as a close in on the beginning of week three here in Guatemala.  As I type that I can't believe it has already been two weeks since I left.  Two weeks since I left the comfort of my own home, two weeks since I left some really close friends to venture off with people I didn't know (who are now some of the most wonderful girls I could have asked to share this experience with).  Two weeks since I through myself into a country and a culture that is vastly different from my own.  The past two weeks have come with combination of ups and downs....times when the thought of speaking more Spanish made my head spin and times when I just wanted to retreat because it can be overwhelming.  The past two weeks have also been filled with joy of working with little ones and hearing them say "Hola" over and over again because that's all we know haha.  It has been filled with worship and church, which let me tell you was like a breath of fresh air last Sunday.  It has been filled with birthday's of other students who are staying at my house and ice cream with my host brother and sister.  

Although there have been times when it has been overwhelming and my anxiety tries to creep up on me, I have been able to remind myself that God blessed me with this experience and that I don't want to get through it with a day by day countdown, I want to live it.  I want to get to the end of seven weeks and wonder "How in the world did this go so fast?".  I want to look back and see how much I grew and all the things that I learned.  It has been over a year since I began this struggle with anxiety and although there are times when it can be frustrating and something that can cloud my experiences, I know that God is in this.  I was always a full speed ahead kind of girl and I can even see this mentality in the way that I approached this trip and learning another language.  I wanted to come down here and take a few days of Spanish and be able to communicate with people like it was no big deal.  Needless to say that did not happen haha.  I have learned a lot and do feel somewhat more confident in my ability to communicate but there are definitely times when I have to resist the urge to cry because I can't understand what is being said around me.  That being said, I firmly believe that God placed this anxiety in my life to remind me every day of His great control and peace that can only come from slowing down, throwing my huge pride and independence aside, and holding onto the peace He has to offer. 

With that said, I would like to share with you a little photographic glimpse into the blessings of people and experiences that God has placed in my life during my time here so far in Guatemala. :)

1. Last Saturday, I hiked up part of a volcano!  I was hesitant about doing it because I thought it was going to be hard and boy did I underestimate that haha.  To say I am out of shape is probably the understatement of the year haha so it was slightly embarrassing but I also learned the beauty of patience and encouragement that people can offer.  Elizabeth, Julia, Taylor, Lindsey, and Shahid were so patient and so kind as we all hiked up this huge mountain and I struggled to keep pace.  They were so patient in stopping when needed and never once complaining.  I also witnessed how beautiful God can make things and the view from where we were on the mountainside was amazing. :)

2. I had a package of raisins for snack and just found it so funny that it was in a package and in a box haha.  My Spanish teacher was really excited for them and we got to share them during class :).  

3.One night my host family and I, as well as another couple that it staying at my house for the week played a game of spoons.  It was so funny and I loved hearing the laughter and feeling the joy of simply being together with people...no agenda or thing to complete, just time together :).  

4.The same night of the intense game of spoons, it was Francisco's birthday (he and his wife are the couple staying for the week).  As you may or may not be able to tell here, he is blowing out trick candles on a birthday pancake haha.  My host dad went into the city the day before to get little cupcakes and at some point between when he brought them home and breakfast, the family dog jumped over the kitchen door and ate all of the cupcakes hahaha.  This will be a birthday I'm sure Francisco will not forget :).

5.This is a picture of my host brother and sister, Jerico and Ale.  They have helped to make my transition so much easier and have made me feel so much a part of the family.  They come into my room every night, backpacks in tow, and sit on bed and do homework or often play games on my phone haha.  Thankfully they speak English but I still think that their patience and childhood acceptance has been such a blessing :).  

6.One word...worship.  Last Saturday I was Skyping with my parents and my dad asked me where I was going to church.  I said I wasn't sure because we had a day trip on Sunday.  It just so happens that one of the girls in my group works for an organization here that holds a contemporary worship service on Sundays. It was the most amazing recharge for my soul and I thank God for allowing me to experience Him in a familiar way here in Guatemala :).  

7.These cards and the picture are from one of the most thoughtful woman I know.  One of my best friends stopped over the day before I left and handed me a bag of cards and wrapped presents, each with a date on it on which I was supposed to open the specific thing.  I can't even tell you how encouraging her words have been and how wonderful it is to "hear" her voice from so many miles away.  It is truly amazing how God placed on her heart the perfect things to say because on each day that I have had something to open, the words inside have been the perfect words to help encourage me on that day.  Thanks Linds for being such a blessing :).  

8.These are two little girls at the preschool I am working in.  I'll try to turn the picture right side up at some point but just wanted you to see the smiles that I get to see every day :).

I pray that each and every one of you can stop and see God in your life.  I pray that you are able to see how He can bless you with the humility, strength, and energy to thrive through new and uncomfortable situations.  I'm off to another town around the lake this weekend to celebrate a friend on the trip's birthday!  Everyone enjoy you're weekend and always thanks for stopping bye. :-)

the language of children

Hola!  So there are so many things I want to blog about and share but I need to get cracking on some homework but I really wanted to share some photos with you from my first day at my new placement!  I was switched from the CFCA to the Mayan Families preschool/nutrition program and I am in love.  Two minutes after walking in, kids were sitting on my lap and smiling at me and saying "Hola!".  As I've said, my Spanish is minimal at best but the beauty of working with kids is they don't care.  Today we danced, smiled, had snack, and laughed a ton all while only having a limited vocabulary to communicate with.  I am excited to share more about the joy that comes from this placement and the happiness that these kids bring.  Starting some time this week I will begin teaching English classes to these little ones.  On one hand I am nervous because I am afraid I won't do a good job or that they won't want to listen or that the Mayan woman will laugh at my silly attempt to teach English to children who barely speak Spanish (most of the them speak a dialect called Kachequel).  But on the other hand I am excited for a chance to step, again, out of my comfort zone into the loving smiles of
these kids.  Well the homework beckons but I hope these pictures can bring joy to your heart as they do to mine :)