15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy
1. Give up your need to always be right 2. Give up your need for control 3. Give up on blame 4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk 5. Give up your limiting beliefs 6. Give up complaining 7. Give up the luxury of criticism	8. Give up your need to impress others 9. Give up your resistance to change 10. Give up labels 11. Give up on your fears 12. Give up your excuses 13. Give up the past 14. Give up attachment 15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

I found this online somewhere and it was one of those things you read and think "oh my goodness this is so true". As I was reading through it I thought "I need to let that go...oh and that..ooo and that too haha".  God teaches us always :).

My plan B, God's plan A

Sometimes when I make plans and they don't work out exactly the way I was thinking, I say to myself "alrighty then lets just go to plan B".  I can't tell you how many times I have said that over the past few weeks during the application, interview, and waiting process of applying for Child Life internships.  As the process was going on and I was getting some interviews and a few "no's", I started to think to myself that I should probably get my ducks in a row for graduating just in case I don't get chosen, aka plan B.

Yesterday (the 9th) was Offer Day for all of the applicants who had applied.  Every hospital around the country has to let their applicants know by this date and then applicants have 24 hours to accept or deny the hospitals offer.  Needless to say, I woke up yesterday nervous but excited because I felt like my Pittsburgh interview had gone so well and I most likely would be accepted and that yesterday was gonna be a day of celebration.  As the day wore on, no email came and I started to wonder if plan B was really going to happen and was preparing myself to be okay with that plan.  I was processing my emotions of disappointment but really trying to turn my thoughts towards God and allowing myself to be surrounded by His comfort and trust.

It was as I was going to be last night (with still no answer from CHP) that I realized as I was planning for plan B, I was in a way saying that I thought I had control over the situation.  If this process has reminded me of anything it is just this: that I in fact do not have control and that God has the ultimate and best laid plan for my life.  I realized that as I was looking at mediocre plan B, the one where I would have to wait another semester to complete and internship and have to something other than what I thought should come next, I was doubting what God could do in my life.  I was running away from the peace-filled trust that can only happen when I honestly believe that God has my best in mind and wants to "offer me life to the fullest" (John 10:10).  If my time in Guatemala had taught me anything it was that God wanted to bless me with the chance to live life to the fullest and trust in the plans He has to help me "to prosper, not to harm me, to give me a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).  As I was falling asleep last night I realized or was reminded I suppose that often times what I perceive as plan B is usually God's fantastic plan A....the one He wanted me to have in order to give me the best and fullest life dedicated to Him.

The amazing thing is today I got an email with an internship offer at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh!  I was hopeful and I thought just maybe, but I had my doubts and was starting to feel the disappointment.  I know that God had this in His plans, for whatever reason, to make me wait a day longer than I thought, to have me stay in Pittsburgh for just a little bit longer, to remain in His comfort because things of this world don't always go at our timing.  I'm not gonna lie, I wanted the chance to go to a new hospital and move to a new city and venture off.  For those who know me well, I love to be on the move but for some reason God has me here and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He has me here for an amazing reason and I am excited to be able to reminde myself of that everyday.  I feel so so blessed to have been offered the internship at CHP and can't wait to see where God takes me as His plan unfolds. :-D

No words

No words...that's what keeps coming to my head as I think about what today is and what happened 11 years ago. How in the world did 11 years pass by? Where did that time go and how much has happened since then. It breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes thinking about the children of people who passed away that day....11 years old and now starting to understand what happened and why they are without a parent today. It makes my heart hurt to think that these children have to feel such loss. I shake my head wondering why someone would want to cause such hurt and pain.

No words. I love seeing everyone coming together on Facebook ad twitter today...united and remembering even though the years have passed. A part of me feels like its not enough...like I want to post that I remember and will never forget but it doesn't feel like enough. But as silly as Facebook and twitter updates can seem on some days when we hear mostly about people's homework woes or recent purchases, today they keep us strong and united and together and offer hope.

I know that God has to be in this somehow. I feel his arms hugging me close as I think about the unfairness of it all and struggle to grasp its magnitude. I know God is working in the love that I see in peoples support and determination to remember people who were affected by what happened. I see God's hand in the fact that all the loss of the day forces us to remember to take advantage of literally every movement. That can seem like such an overwhelming thought and I know for me can make me worry that those times when I am complacent I might not be realizing the moments full potential. But in that worry God's peace and hope breaks thought o remind me to "find the beauty in everything" (Romans 12) and to find beauty in the relaxing and in the busy.

So today I am encouraged to remember and allow for the moments of sadness but also to cling to that hope that is offered in faith....the hope that spring from sorrow...a peace that only the loving hand of God can bring when no words seem to be enough.

Joy

Right now I'm sitting in the basement, slightly exhausted and trying to pack for vacation but so full of joy.  Today was one of those days where all of the things I love seemed to collide into one perfect day.  This morning I went with my friend Melissa to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh because her oldest son was having surgery and I had newborn baby duty....needless to say I was super excited.  I love, love, love babies and it was so refreshing and joyful to take care of Isiah today.  He was the most pleasant baby; smiling and curling up on my shoulder to sleep.  I can't explain to you how much joy that brought me.  I also had the chance to push him around in his stroller up to the 6th floor where there was an event going on for the patients.  While I was up there, I saw several of the Child Life staff and we chatted.  Once, Melissa was settled with Elias (the oldest) in the hospital room, I took the baby back down, said my goodbyes (after being pooped on haha) and went up to the 9th floor to visit a Sara, a patient and camper I know from my summers at Crestfield.  Sara and some of the patients on the floor played Apples to Apples and then Sara and I played a video game in her room.  I also got my Sarah's Army shirt!  I can't wait to represent Sara's Army this next week in North Carolina :).

Although at first glance my day seems like any other day and almost sad because I spent a majority of it within a hospital, it was a day that filled me with so much joy.  Even though Elias had to have surgery and Sara is fighting the battle of her life against leukemia, I found so much joy in spending my Thursday within the walls of CHP with Melissa and her children, as well as Sara and her mom.  I realized how much I love my life and how much spending time with people is my passion.  I was thinking about it on the bus ride home today and I realized that it took me two years and a stay in a foreign country to realize how much I love where I am in life.  It took living in a place where my comfort was yanked away and coming back to what I had previously found unexciting, to realize how much I love it.  People hold babies all the time and many people I know have young babies, but today I got to hold Isiah and feel that joy that a small baby brings to you when he smiles and cuddles up in your arms.  I was made aware of how much God is a wonderful creator and how He gives us new life in the form of these little ones to remind us that joy can sometimes be simple; that it doesn't have to be brought on by things or money or a certain status....it can be just being held and being around people who love you.  Today I realized how amazing it is to walk into a room and see people who know you and who you have formed relationships with because of your common passion of working with sick children.  I realized how amazing it is to laugh with these people and see them as more than just coworkers but as people who are funny and love to laugh and who you can joke with.  I can't tell you how amazing it was to walk onto that floor today and have several people come over to me just to talk.  I wish I had more elegant words to describe that joy I felt as I stood talking to Becky (Child Life Assistant in the PICU) while rocking Isiah to sleep in his stroller.  It was like I felt "home" in that moment, being in a place where my passion for working with sick children and families can be unleashed to do some good and help people.  I think what made that part of the day so wonderful was that I walked into CHP today not as a volunteer and not as a practicum student, but as a visitor and still the staff of Child Life treated me like family.  I loved that. :)

I also learned today about what it really means to care about other people in the midst of a trial.  Sara was just diagnosed with AML, form of leukemia, in April.  She just finished her freshman year of high school and was competing as a swimmer, track runner, and dancer.  This cancer diagnosis derailed those things for the time being and on top of that, her treatment protocol requires her to be inpatient at CHP for weeks at a time.  But even with all that, you want to know what she asked me?  She asked me if I was excited for my vacation.  She asked me who I was going with and how long I would be there.  She told me how much fun I was going to have and that she hoped I had a good time.  Is that a glimpse of God or what?  Does this young girl, of only 14 years, emulate the way that Jesus cared for us even when He knew that there were people out there wanting to take His life?  There are times when Sara can't even leave the floor let alone get in a car to go on vacation but she wanted to make sure that I was excited and ready for my adventure.  I think most people, including myself would be frustrated, mad, depressed, and jealous watching all the people around me  have the freedom to go out and have fun and make choices of where they wanted to go instead of being told what to do by doctors and nurses.  This 14 year old girl showed me what it means to be unselfish and caring regardless of the circumstances.  Sara reminded me today of how much it can mean to someone when you ask them about something they are excited about.  She reminded me today of the strength of people who have God behind them as they walk through a trial.  Again, I feel like my words here are inadequate to describe how much I saw God in my day.  It may seem like a simple day on paper but it was an absolutely eye opening day to the joy and the glory of God that I definitely took advantage of before I experienced life in Guatemala.  I feel so encouraged and hopeful and joyful for what the future will bring and praise God for showing me again and again how wonderful He is. :)

sweet, sweet Isiah napping on my lap :).

Sara and I after our apples to apples game and video game time filled with laughter and smiles and plain old fun.  In this photo, I'm wearing my newly acquired Sara's Army shirt!  Who wouldn't want to support a girl (and a family) that is so filled with joy even during this time?  :)

Live Like Someone Left the Gate Open

I did it.  Two months in another country where English is not the language with people I have never met.  Yes there were times when it was hard and some days seemed to be a struggle, but my dream came true.  I'm sitting in the airport, two months under my belt thinking to myself that God is so wonderful that He was able to fulfill my dream of studying abroad in His own time.  I honestly never thought that I would get this chance being that grad school doesn't really allow the time for this unless it's research.  Ahhh its so crazy!  I have wanted an experience like this for as long as I can remember and in God's timing he made it happen.  I always pictured going to somewhere in Europe where they spoke English and it would be easier to fit right in.  No way God said.  I'm sure there are so many reasons why I ended up going to Guatemala instead of somewhere else, but whatever those reasons are, I feel so blessed.  I just really can't believe it. (have I said that....haha).

As you can see, the title of this post was inspired by the adorable picture above.  Another girl in the program who was also at my service placement showed it to me and I felt that it was so perfect in capturing the essence of this trip.  I left the States two months ago knowing very limited Spanish and only knowing one person.  I left not having any idea what the other people in my group would be like or knowing much about the culture.  In some ways, I feel like I lived life these past two months like someone left open not only the gate but they took away the whole darn fence.  What in the world was I thinking?  Why did I think it was a good idea to go to another country where I literally didn't even know how to ask for directions?  Because for some reasons God put it on my heart to go to another country, to step way out of my comfort zone, and trust Him.  I think He knew even more than I did that I needed to be removed from my "normal" and placed in a completely different setting that would force  me to trust in Him.  And oh man did I ever have to.  There is so much to process and so many things to thank God for as I leave Guatemala, but I know that no matter what He gave me this chance....the chance to run straight through the gate and live and love and laugh and feel joy and begin to learn what it means to live a life so different from mine.  Even through the hard times and the tears, I wouldn't have changed a thing.  I met some wonderful and fantastic friends on this trip.  If this opportunity wouldn't have come about, I would have never met these girls and that is so wild to me.  God placed us all in Guatemala for two months with only each other and Him to lean on.  It's crazy how He brings so many different people together to bond and count on one another when we otherwise would not have.

It is so strange that I am sitting in the airport taking my last glimpses of Guatemala for now.  I may be back, who knows?   Really, only God knows.  At this point, I'm okay with saying see you later.  I'm definitely ready to be back on US soil for a little and let the anxiety get back under control.  Up until two weeks ago, it was relatively smooth sailing and I really did not experience much anxiety.  For those of you who read past posts, you know that it eventually reared its ugly head lol.  With about two weeks left, I think I finally was overwhelmed by any anxiety I had been ignoring and had a pretty rough few days with panic attacks and just generally feeling overwhelmed.  I called my parents and had a good cry and also learned about how much grace and love they had for me.  My mom made sure to secure every form of communication she could to make sure that I was okay and my dad offered to bring me home right then and there if I wanted it.  Thankfully and only through God's strength, I was able to work through and manage the anxiety and do the best to take in the last few weeks I had.  I knew going into this trip that my anxiety may be a problem and I'm so happy and blessed that I was able to make it through.  I know there were times when I was trying to do it all myself and putting pressure on myself to control things that I could not like my health and money and God stopped me right there in those thoughts and told me to hold the phone.  I knew in my mind that He was the only one that could control these things but it took a few panic attacks and some tears to remind me who was in control.

There is so much to process and so much to be thankful for and I am excited to have this place to do that processing and wonderful people who care enough to want to walk this journey along side me.  For now, I'm going to enjoy my last few hours with an episode of Army Wives and finally let myself get excited about going home to the best family a girl could ask for.  I'm excited for the ridiculous movie line conversations and a yummy Pasta Too grilled cheese :).  Thanks to each and every one of you for the love and support you gave me as I ran full speed into one of the most amazing experiences I could have ever asked for :).

Come Fly with Me

I got to go zip lining on Sunday!!!  I had been looking forward to this excursion since before I had left and I can't believe it already came and went!  That not only means no more zip line (haha) but I come back to the States in less than a week!  But the good bye post where I process is for later....not ready to think about that yet haha.  Just wanted to share some photos of the zip line experience. :)  I'm excited to share the last few days of the trip with the wonderful friends that I have made here and to enjoy the last few days of this fantastic experience that God has blessed me with :).  Enjoy the photos!

the entrance to the zip line!

Asia, myself, Becky, Nicole, and Elizabeth all suited up and ready to go!

we're getting so excited!!!

Julia and I!  Not sure why the picture is smudgy lol.

Talia, myself, and Asia

me and the birthday girl Emily!!!

the zipline is on a nature reserve so we got to see some monkeys hanging from the trees hahah.

beautiful waterfall on our walk up the mountain :)

weeeeeeeeee!!!

gorgeous flower in the butterfly garden

I just thought these stares were really cool haha.

butterflies!! :-D

7 Quick Takes

1. Happy birthday to my host mom!  I am so happy that I was able to celebrate my host mom's birthday while I am here!  It resembled the birthday celebrations in my house in that it wasn't just a birthday but a birthday week....by the fourth day of saying happy birthday the kids starting saying "Mom please not again!" haha.  It was so wonderful to get to celebrate and be part of a family celebration.  I brought home a chocolate cake for my host mom which she loved!  It was a wonderful celebration all around :).  My host sister Alejandra was at  sleepover the night of the cake but we went out that Sunday and had a fun filled family dinner in town.

 2. Learning to be flexible.  This is a photo of the work space that my friend Taylor and I have at out organization Mayan Families.  I think we've been shuffled to a million different places while in the office and there used to be a couch where we are sitting here but that was moved to the new office.  I feel like this picture is the perfect representation of this trip...being flexible!

 3. New friends! Amber and I met randomly at church one Sunday and immediately bonded over our love for Army Wives haha.  It has been wonderful getting to know her and to feed off of her encouraging and positive spirit!

 (3.5 haha).  To say that Julia has been an encouragement to me this trip is an understatement haha.  She has been such a positive and encouraging friend from day one!  This is a picture of us at our friend's 21st birthday dinner!  

 4. If you can't go to the party, bring the party to you.  Happy 4th of July from Guatemala everyone!  Although I haven't been home for every 4th I  have at least been in the country lol.  This was a vastly different 4th of July than any other I had experienced but it was so  much fun all the same :).  Lindsey (far left) went across the lake to visit with some of the girls in Santiago and we celebrated the 4th in Guatemala in style haha.  We went to a restaurant owned by an American couple where they had burgers and red, white, and blue shots (haha) and brownies with ice cream.  So so much fun :).  

 4. Puppies! Okay if these aren't the most adorable little puppies I've seen, I don't know what is haha.  While on a home visit to a sponsored students house, one of the staff at Mayan families found a mom and her new born puppies in San Antonio.  They were so precious! :)

 5. My host brother and sister always know how to make me smile :).  On Wednesday evening I spent the night in Santiago for the 4th of July and then when I came home on Thursday evening my host sister Alejandra gave me a hug and said how much she missed me.  After unpacking, Alejandra, Jerico, and I played pictionary!  Who says you need the game with the boards and papers?  We just had fun together and enjoyed being together...no need for the name brand to make the time special.  

Tonight after dinner, I was talking Alejandra and Jerico about fall and the way the leaves change colors.  They ran off to find a book on fall to show me that they had heard of it and while they were gone my host mom came up behind me and quietly told me the cutest and saddest thing.  She said that before dinner, Alejandra had turned to her while they were in their shop and said "Why does Rachael have to leave?  This is too sad.  Is she going to come back soon?".  Talk about breaking my heart.  Part of the issues with my anxiety is struggling with people's approval...even the approval of a 9 year old.  To hear that Alejandra loves me like family and has been as blessed by our time together as I have been makes every hard time on this trip worth it.  I'm so excited to see home, family, and friends very soon but I'm not sure how to leave the people here who have become my second family.

 6. Say cheese! This coming week is going to be my last week with my kids at the preschool!  They have made my time here so amazing and all their hugs and smiles have  helped me so much!  This is a class photo that my host sister took last week when she came to work with me.  I'm planning on printing it off for each of the kids as something to remember me!  It's gonna be hard to leave these faces.  

7. Birthday celebrations! I think we've had a birthday almost every week for someone in our study abroad group haha.  This past Friday a bunch of the girls and I went out for Lindsey and Emily's birthdays.  It was so nice to have a girls night out!  We went to dinner and went dancing!  Literally so so much fun haha.   

Tomorrow is zip line day!!!  Wish me luck! hahah.  Can't wait to post some pictures!   As always God bless and thanks for reading :). 

Sisterly Inspiration

"I am with you and will watch over you where ever you will go,

and I will bring you back to this land.

I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you."

Genesis 28:15

The good Lord is taking care of me as I walk this journey and has not only blessed me with amazing people here and wonderful experiences that I wouldn't change for the world, but also with a fantastic support system back home like my wonderful sister.  He is with me where ever I go and what ever He calls me to do....talk about comforting :).  good night all!

Honesty

‎"...but the struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time... no, life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride..." ~ (quote from a friends FB status)


Today the idea of being in Guatemala for two more week seems like a struggle.  It seems endless and my anxiety seems to be working in overdrive because until a about 20 minutes ago I wasn't willing to admit that to myself.  It took a few dropped Skype calls and finally a phone call with my family to allow myself to admit to my mom and to myself that today it seems like a struggle.  It's funny how just the question, "honey whats wrong?" from mom can make those shaky walls of perceived strength crumble and allow me to fall into the 'arms' of my mamma and just have a good cry.  Of course my friends here understand and can empathize with that feeling and my host family is nothing but supportive but sometimes there is nothing like the kind words of family to give myself the permission to break down for a little bit and be sad for a little.  


A very wise man I know wrote these words in his blog back in October of 2011.  This post was talking about being ambivalent towards our inner feelings and how the body and mind will process them regardless of whether we give ourselves permission to or not.  It talks about the conflict that we can have as Christians when we want to believe those verses about God doing whats best for us but not always feeling that inside and how it's okay to admit that.  The words of this man were as follows:


"Finding yourself in a place where you can be honest about the way you feel, even when it does not make sense or jive with your better judgment, can save you from the stress that is caused by ambivalence."


"The truth is that we all experience stress-causing ambivalence from time to time. If we were to allow ourselves to be honest about the conflicting feelings we experience, we could alleviate some of the inner turmoil that we often explain away as ambiguous distress, sadness, or anxiety."

I thank God for blessing me with a wonderful, supportive family and for giving me a wise friend who has helped me so I am able to be in a place of being okay with processing my emotions.  Also for a sister who encourages me to still take advantage of every opportunity because this really is a once in a lifetime chance that I probably won't get again.  

Probably gonna try and get some homework done and hang out with my host brother and sister.  I feel so grateful every day that God has placed me in a family with such wonderful kids that make me laugh and smile.  Thanks as always for reading :).    

Missing normal

Today is one of those days where I'm missing things that are "normal" to me. This morning I woke up and just felt kind of blah and couldn't quite figure out if it was homesickness or something else. As I was riding the pick up into the city to meet some friends, I realized that it wasn't necessarily home I was missing but being in normal surroundings. I miss being with people who have known me for years. I miss being able to walk around town and not have people stare because I look different. I miss being able to understand the conversations around me and the security that brings with it. I miss the schedule of the trolley when I need to get somewhere. I miss being able to pull out my iPhone and not worry about people seeing it. I miss being able to run my toothbrush under the water instead of avoiding the faucet like the plague because it could make me sick. I miss sitting on the couch with my family having couch time and watching Ellen.

A part of me didn't wanted to post about this because I wanted to remain strong and not make it seem like I wasn't appreciating the experience that God has so richly blessed me with. But another part of me knew that I had to be honest with myself and be real with the fact that even the world traveler/new experiences part of me yearns for that feeling of normal and the comfort that normal brings.

As I sit here I pray that God can ease that anxiety that so commonly tries to creep in when I feel like this and that He can grant me peace to enjoy the remaining two weeks I have here in Guatemala. I absolutely love my host family and the wonderful friends that I have made and I don't want to miss a moment of that by wishing I was somewhere other than where I am now.

Contentment is something I have always struggled with and is something that my pride hates to admit. I can't remember what the verse is but there is a part in the good old word of god where it talks about worrying and how that can't bring another moment to your life and how it really doesn't do anybody very much good. Worrying where I'm gonna be in two weeks and not being content with where I am right now is not going to make time any faster or help me to see the blessing that God has blessed me with anymore clearly. Thank you as always for reading and for encouraging me on this journey :).

a sprint or a marathon

Today I  had several conversations with people that made me realize how long we have been here and the amount that I have grown since my first days of being in Guatemala.  I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that God walked me through every step of the way because the nervous girl who knew almost zero Spanish when she arrived has grown into a woman who is becoming more and more comfortable every day with the culture, language, and people and is now unsure of how to leave.  It hard to think that in three weeks I will have to leave a place I have learned to love and have begun to really live instead of feeling like a visitor.  My days consist of working at my placement with people from the States as well as local Guatemalan individuals.  I get a chance to work directly with the smalls of the community and help to teach them English.  Having a purpose and a direction for what I am doing here has made my time here feel more and more like a second home.  


One thing that came to mind today was the analogy that this trip is similar to what I feel like when I'm going for a run.  I start out the run checking my watch every five minutes to see how close I am to being done because I just can't go anymore but once I hit that goal time I feel like I could keep running for longer and wasn't sure why I wanted to stop.  I feel like my mind set on this trip has been similar.  When I arrived in Guatemala, I would catch myself thinking about how getting to the end of the week and then reminding myself of how many more I needed to go until I returned to the States.  Now that week four has been completed and we are on the down hill as far as time left, I keep thinking to myself how I don't know how I'm going to leave when the time comes.  As difficult as it was at the beginning, I am getting used to be surrounded by Spanish all the time and even spoke mostly in Spanish this evening to my host parents when telling them about my day.  They both speak excellent English so at the beginning when I wouldn't feel like speaking Spanish I could fall back into English.  For some reason today it dawned on me how little time I have left to take advantage of having people around me who can help me improve and what an amazing opportunity it is.  As the Counting Crows song says:

Don't it always seem to go

That you don't know what you got till it's gone

I feel really blessed that God reminded me what a unique opportunity I have here before I was home and it was too late. 


Another thought that crossed my mind while I was thinking today again related to the idea of running.  Many of the experiences we have in life, whether it be a trip like this or what we think as typical life, are meant to be experienced and not rushed through.  They are meant to be run with endurance and with a steady pace.  I find myself always trying to get to a certain point or looking towards a goal and need to be conscious of being in the moment and not looking towards the end of the trip or the end of the week.  This verse from Hebrews 12 came to mind today as I thought about how this trip.  

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

God wants me to run this race with endurance; he wants to take each day as it is and learn and grow as much as I can by being present in the moment even when its difficult or uncomfortable being surrounded by people with whom I can't communicate effectively or being the only person for miles who has my same skin tone and language.  No one expected me to learn Spanish in two weeks and God and those more intelligent then myself knew that it would take time.  I got this idea in my head that I would get it right off the bat and when I didn't it was discouraging.  While talking to a friend on Tango, we were talking about speaking Spanish and I said "Oh yeah mine is still pretty rusty".  My friend said, "Well you said it was getting easier right?".  After getting off the phone I sat back and really thought about what I had learned and my ability to communicate; how that had changed over the weeks of being in Guatemala.  It was in that moment I think that God reminded me that if I take that pressure off of myself and feel the joy of the progress I have made, I can see how beneficial this part of the race has been.  Today, Lindsay was my "huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith" that helped to remind me how much God had been working with me and along side me through my race, my marathon of Guatemala.  No marathon is run by sprinting through but by taking it mile by mile; in my case day by day and enjoying the journey because by only looking towards the end you become overwhelmed and miss the amazing things that are beside you as you jog down the road. 

I pray that I can continue to notice the things, people events, and experiences that God has for me as I run along through the next three weeks.  I pray that I can continue to feel the confidence of God as I did today when I spoke Spanish.  I felt confident and happy and filled with joy as I held a conversation primarily in Spanish with my host mother this evening.  Even though she might not have even realized it, that simple comment from Lindsay helped me to realize that yes I can do it and I have improved and that by simply enjoying the experience without the expectation of perfection, I could do anything with God's help :).   As always, thank you for reading and for the encouraging words about the blog.  I thank the many people that have complemented me on it and want you all to know how encouraging it is to be able to have the chance to blog and share my experiences with the important people in my life.  Have a fantastic evening and hug your family :).  

different but the same

*travel by pickup - travel by car with seat belts

*(attempt) to speak Spanish - everyone speaks English

*most people are 5'6" max - myself and most of my friends and family are over 5'9"

*MUST drink water from a blue agua pura cooler - H20 comes straight from the tap

*skirts and capris - shorts and tank tops

*people carrying things in large pieces of fabric - North Face back packs and purses

*bunches of different little stores to get the things I need - one swift trip to Giant Eagle and back on home

*spoty internet - internet in every place imaginable, even on phones

*constantly needing to watch my bag - leaving my bag at the table while I run to the bathroom

Today was one of those days where I was noticing every little difference here in Guatemala from my life at home.  I know that these days come around every now in then with an immersion experience like this and I think a lot of it has to do with coming back from a "touristy" weekend with friends in Antigua.  It was a day where I could have let myself get overwhelmed by the numerous differences I see in my "normal" here in Guatemala.  It was one of those days where the countdown to home was on the forefront of my mind and where four weeks seems like a year.  It was one of those days where I wasn't sure how I was going to get from June 18th to July 17th.  It was one of those days where I realized how much I take for granted being able to walk around at night without feeling worried out of my mind (don't worry Dad I haven't gone walking at night just saying!  haha).  It was one of those days where I wanted to joke with my best friend about her dog, marriage, my bunny, and silly camp things.  It was one of those days where I wanted to be sitting in my family room with my family watching Ellen and teasing my sister about convulsing over her computer haha.

It was also one of those days where I could have forgotten how much God has blessed me.  It was one of those days where I could have forgotten that God gave me some amazing friends right here beside me to walk this journey together.  It was one of those days where the unbelievable blessing of having the money, ability, and privilege to travel could have been overshadowed by the differences.  It was one of those days where I could have forgotten that God comes with me every step of every place I go and would never ever leave me to get through the next four weeks alone.  It was one of those days where the words of Joshua 1:9 were my life line 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." 

As I was sitting in the truck traveling from my placement to home, I started humming a worship song.  I honestly can't remember which one it was or how it came into my head but I know that God was trying to get through my self-worry and let me know that He has been with me every step of the past three weeks and will do the same for the next four weeks here in Guatemala.  God wanted to remind me through this worship song that although there are so many things that are different and so many things that I miss about what is comfortable, there are also so many things that are the same.

*close friends to laugh, cry, and joke with

*amazing young woman to have honest and open conversations with

*the ability to meet people from my very own home town with the same name even from thousands of miles away

*the comfort of a hug from a "mom" when I get home from a long day

*the smile of a stranger as I travel home

*the comforting words of a friend from home who is just across the lake and understands what I am going through

*watching Wall-E with my brother and sister because its summer vacation

*dancing and singing around my room

*eating spaghetti for dinner because my "mom" knows its my favorite

*being able to worship my savior through music and sermons

*the absolute joy of a child's smile and receiving a hug from a little one who loves you even though they can't tell you through there words

There are so many things that are different about being here but there are so many things that are the same.  There are so many differences that can overwhelm and overshadow what is the same; friends, family, worship, laughter, and God's provision just to name a few.  I just love what that verse in Joshua says about not being afraid of what is coming or where I might be going because no matter where that is God is coming right along side me.  There is no need to worry or be anxious because God's got this.  Way easier said than done sometimes but comforting all the same.  I love what God has taught me so far about the differences of the culture I am currently living in but also providing me with the opportunity to remember the similarities regardless of what country I'm in.  So yeah, it was one of those days where I was afraid the weeks would drag by and could have become overwhelmed but it was also one of those days where God reminded me of what an amazing experience I am having and how much I love to travel and do adventurous things.  It was one of those days where I can go to sleep in a comfortable bed, in warm clothes with my teddys right by my side knowing that although my physical location is different I still have the love of a family around me, the support of amazing friends, and the comfort of the familiar in some ways through small stuffed bears who have traveled the world withe me.    

I feel like God is encouraging me to take a step outside of myself and love on the others around me, both the Guatemala children and adults I work with and the people in my group.  I feel like God is asking me to throw my comfort aside and look into the needs of others around me.  I know that God is asking me and calling to me to take His hand and trust what He has in store for the next four weeks.  I know that God is telling me that by doing so I can not just get through but live through and love through these next four weeks.  I want to get to the end of the next four weeks not by marking the days off of a calendar but by writing down the things I have seen, the people I have met, and the memories I have made.  I would ask for continued prayer to trust in God's plan and comfort and safety as I have a mini re-adjustment after a long weekend of mini-vacation in Antigua.  Thank you so so much for reading and loving and praying.  Remember God's love for you tonight and let Him walk with you on whatever journey it is that you are on :-).

feliz dia del padre (and my first attempt at 7 takes)

Happy father's day from Guatemala!  I can't believe it is already father's day because that means that I have been in Guatemala for 3 weeks already!  Crazy how time can speed by.  Happy father's day to the world's best (in my opinion lol) dad :-D.  Today was a hard day for being away from home...guess I noticed missing home a little more because it was a special day for my dad and I have always been at least in the country for the last 22 father's days haha.  But as I have said before I have some of the most supportive friends on this trip and I know that God has so wonderfully blessed me with them.  While at church today, I mentioned to my friend Asia that I was missing my dad today and she turned, gave me a hug, and in a (histarically) deep voice said, "I'll be your dad" hahahaha.  When your friend says she will be your father in a funny deep voice you can't help but laugh and remember how what a blessing it is to have such wonderful friends.  And don't worry another friend Julia offered to be my mother hahaha.  Laughing with friends is such a wonderful blessing and I can't thank God enough for the gift of laughter and the many times that it has been so helpful during this trip.

So a dear friend of mine also writes a blog and she does this wonderful thing called 7 takes.  She gives 7 takes of things that she wants to talk about or that have been going on in her life.  It is a very cool way to share and I figured I'd give it a try as I share about my long weekend excursion :).

1.So thankful for weekends away: This past weekend, myself and the other students from my group had a four day weekend in Antigua, Guatemala.  Unfortunately no we were not on the island of Antigua which caused great confusion for my worldly traveling aunts and uncles haha.  It was so so nice to not only have a trip away from our "normal" lives here but also to be with close friends.  I could not have asked for two more wonderful roommates this trip.  We laughed so so much this weekend and I loved every second of it.  We were able to tour ruins and old churches and eat tons and tons of delicious food.  There was this one place that had the worlds best cheesecake...I think we went almost every we were there haha.

2.Sleepovers are not only for kids: One of my close friends in the program came to my town on Wednesday and had a sleepover at my home stay!  We went to the festival in town and played on the swings in the park with my host brother and sister.  I love love swings and we laughed and took pictures and it was just wonderful.  In true sleepover fashion, we fell asleep sideways on the bed watching Forest Gump....so so wonderful :).


3.Party party: This past week there was so much partying happening in my town!  Every year, the town celebrates the saint who the town is named after, which for me is Saint Anthony.  My host dad who works part time for the town, brought home a schedule of events for the week which went from 5am to 10pm every day.  And let me tell you, there was literally music and fireworks going off every day all day.  One day we went to an event where the town chose the queen of San Antonio for that year....it was a wonderful cultural experience and I loved getting to see the traditional outfits and how many people showed up to the event.  It seemed like the whole town!  Everyone was so supportive and there was this cute old guy sitting near me who clapped so loud for every candidate lol.  My host sister was wonderful and was my little translator during the ceremony :).  


4.I got to talk to my brother!!!!:  I know I shared this in my last post but I was so excited to get to talk to Jimmy on Friday!  Because we are 8 hours apart with him being in France and me being in Guatemala, it was such a blessing to chat for a little and hear some about his adventures :).


5.Schools out for the summer!: My host brother and sister finished school for the year!  They were so excited to tell me how they finished and passed today when I saw them.  I had not seen them all weekend because I had been gone since Thursday and they couldn't wait to share some celebratory Oreo's with me that their mom had gave them because they had done so well in school :).


6.Dance machine: I got to go dancing this weekend!!! It was so so much fun!  Three friends and I found a place to go dancing while on our trip.  I think the Guatemalan people thought we were so funny with our crazy American dancing hahah.


7.Prayers please :): First, thank you all so much for all the prayers about language barrier and being comfortable here and adjustment and for my mamma being sick.  I wanna ask for prayer for my best friends grandma who was taken to the hospital last week with some heart issues and some beginning signs of dementia.  Pray for her and her family as they adjust to this diagnosis and figure out what the next step is for her grandmother as far as her living situation.

Ruins from an old church in Antigua :)

Thank you as always for reading and I hope everyone has a wonderful start to your week!  Adios amigos :-)

   

Butterflies and Air-o-planes

The Clarks song was stuck in my head haha so that was the inspiration behind that blog title haha.  I can't believe its already half way through week 3!  It feels like it is going fast but at the same time it feels like there are many more weeks to come.  All in all I am starting to feel comfortable and at home here in a way.  I don't think it will ever feel completely 'normal' but I am falling into a rhythm every day of going to my placement and working with the kids and spending time with my host family.  For those of you who have asked (and thank you so much for doing so!) the language thing is getting easier but always an eventful time when I try to speak in Spanish.  The other day I had to get my internet modem to work again and by the time I went into the fourth store I simply held up the modem and pointed hahah.

This past week was the festival of San Antonio, which is the celebration of the saint of the town Saint Anthony.  There were festivities and things happening all week long and it was such a blessing to get to be a part of such an important cultural experience.  As I was walking through the crowds of the events on various nights with my brother and sister I realized how much taller I was than most of the people here haha...pretty funny :).  On Monday evening, my family and I attended a pageant of some sort where they choose the queen of San Antonio for that year.  There was lots of traditional dancing, a man lip sang a Spanish song with a really big sombrero on haha, and some beautiful traditional outfits.  My host sister sat on my lap and explained to me all the different things that were happening and the music was wonderful.  Last night, one of my friends from the program came to my town and spent the night so we were able to go to some more of the festivities together.  One of the things included some men playing marimba and other instruments and it was so fantastic!  They are very talented here and the inner band geek in me came out as I watched them play haha.  After we watched the marimba players, my brother and sister said it was time to go down in front of the church and watch the "castle" of fireworks.  Little did Elizabeth and I know that it would be THE most terrifying and exciting experience hahah.  Needless to say there was not a parking garage between us and the fireworks like at home.....made for quite an adventure.  

It was so so wonderful to have Elizabeth with me last night.  Like I said we got to spend time at the festival and seeing things around the town, but we also were able to talk and watch Forest Gump.  We also went to the little park in front of the lake where there was swings and had ourselves a grand old time swinging.  For those you who know about my love of swings, it pretty much made my night :).  Gotta love how sleepovers are still fun even at 23 haha.  It was such an amazing blessing to have her spend time at my homestay and to have someone to relax and hang out with and simply just watch a movie.  Sometimes down time with friends can be the best medicine.   

Today we traveled to Antigua, another city in Guatemala and are staying here until Sunday.   It is four days of absolute relaxation and having very few plans.  I am so thankful for the time to rest and recharge after kind of going full speed ahead for the past two and a half weeks here.  Tonight a few of us went out to lunch, dessert, and then dinner later on in the night, broken up by a Pretty Little Liars marathon....Maddie would be so proud :).  

A huge blessing today was that I was able to talk with Jimmy.  Since he's in France and I'm in Guatemala, we're eight hours apart and have not been able to talk much.  It was only about fifteen minutes but it was so nice to hear his voice.  I am so glad that we're studying abroad at the same time and can come back with amazing stories and adventures that we've been blessed with.  One thing I would ask for prayer for is for my mamma.  She'll probably get so embarrassed that I wrote about her haha but when I skyped her today she told me she had the flu which is never fun.  I pray that she can have time to rest and feel better very very soon.  Alrighty folks well its off to bed for this little Guatemalan adventurer...a week of busy busy busy and a day of nothing can make a girl tired haha.  Thanks always for reading.  Hug your loved ones :), count your blessings :), and have a fantastic evening :).         

Blessings

Oh my goodness has this been a busy week...sorry I haven't been able to update!  The week has been full of Spanish classes, working at the Mayan Families preschool, an ankle sprain (lol), and a continued growing as a close in on the beginning of week three here in Guatemala.  As I type that I can't believe it has already been two weeks since I left.  Two weeks since I left the comfort of my own home, two weeks since I left some really close friends to venture off with people I didn't know (who are now some of the most wonderful girls I could have asked to share this experience with).  Two weeks since I through myself into a country and a culture that is vastly different from my own.  The past two weeks have come with combination of ups and downs....times when the thought of speaking more Spanish made my head spin and times when I just wanted to retreat because it can be overwhelming.  The past two weeks have also been filled with joy of working with little ones and hearing them say "Hola" over and over again because that's all we know haha.  It has been filled with worship and church, which let me tell you was like a breath of fresh air last Sunday.  It has been filled with birthday's of other students who are staying at my house and ice cream with my host brother and sister.  

Although there have been times when it has been overwhelming and my anxiety tries to creep up on me, I have been able to remind myself that God blessed me with this experience and that I don't want to get through it with a day by day countdown, I want to live it.  I want to get to the end of seven weeks and wonder "How in the world did this go so fast?".  I want to look back and see how much I grew and all the things that I learned.  It has been over a year since I began this struggle with anxiety and although there are times when it can be frustrating and something that can cloud my experiences, I know that God is in this.  I was always a full speed ahead kind of girl and I can even see this mentality in the way that I approached this trip and learning another language.  I wanted to come down here and take a few days of Spanish and be able to communicate with people like it was no big deal.  Needless to say that did not happen haha.  I have learned a lot and do feel somewhat more confident in my ability to communicate but there are definitely times when I have to resist the urge to cry because I can't understand what is being said around me.  That being said, I firmly believe that God placed this anxiety in my life to remind me every day of His great control and peace that can only come from slowing down, throwing my huge pride and independence aside, and holding onto the peace He has to offer. 

With that said, I would like to share with you a little photographic glimpse into the blessings of people and experiences that God has placed in my life during my time here so far in Guatemala. :)

1. Last Saturday, I hiked up part of a volcano!  I was hesitant about doing it because I thought it was going to be hard and boy did I underestimate that haha.  To say I am out of shape is probably the understatement of the year haha so it was slightly embarrassing but I also learned the beauty of patience and encouragement that people can offer.  Elizabeth, Julia, Taylor, Lindsey, and Shahid were so patient and so kind as we all hiked up this huge mountain and I struggled to keep pace.  They were so patient in stopping when needed and never once complaining.  I also witnessed how beautiful God can make things and the view from where we were on the mountainside was amazing. :)

2. I had a package of raisins for snack and just found it so funny that it was in a package and in a box haha.  My Spanish teacher was really excited for them and we got to share them during class :).  

3.One night my host family and I, as well as another couple that it staying at my house for the week played a game of spoons.  It was so funny and I loved hearing the laughter and feeling the joy of simply being together with people...no agenda or thing to complete, just time together :).  

4.The same night of the intense game of spoons, it was Francisco's birthday (he and his wife are the couple staying for the week).  As you may or may not be able to tell here, he is blowing out trick candles on a birthday pancake haha.  My host dad went into the city the day before to get little cupcakes and at some point between when he brought them home and breakfast, the family dog jumped over the kitchen door and ate all of the cupcakes hahaha.  This will be a birthday I'm sure Francisco will not forget :).

5.This is a picture of my host brother and sister, Jerico and Ale.  They have helped to make my transition so much easier and have made me feel so much a part of the family.  They come into my room every night, backpacks in tow, and sit on bed and do homework or often play games on my phone haha.  Thankfully they speak English but I still think that their patience and childhood acceptance has been such a blessing :).  

6.One word...worship.  Last Saturday I was Skyping with my parents and my dad asked me where I was going to church.  I said I wasn't sure because we had a day trip on Sunday.  It just so happens that one of the girls in my group works for an organization here that holds a contemporary worship service on Sundays. It was the most amazing recharge for my soul and I thank God for allowing me to experience Him in a familiar way here in Guatemala :).  

7.These cards and the picture are from one of the most thoughtful woman I know.  One of my best friends stopped over the day before I left and handed me a bag of cards and wrapped presents, each with a date on it on which I was supposed to open the specific thing.  I can't even tell you how encouraging her words have been and how wonderful it is to "hear" her voice from so many miles away.  It is truly amazing how God placed on her heart the perfect things to say because on each day that I have had something to open, the words inside have been the perfect words to help encourage me on that day.  Thanks Linds for being such a blessing :).  

8.These are two little girls at the preschool I am working in.  I'll try to turn the picture right side up at some point but just wanted you to see the smiles that I get to see every day :).

I pray that each and every one of you can stop and see God in your life.  I pray that you are able to see how He can bless you with the humility, strength, and energy to thrive through new and uncomfortable situations.  I'm off to another town around the lake this weekend to celebrate a friend on the trip's birthday!  Everyone enjoy you're weekend and always thanks for stopping bye. :-)