...the rain from your eyes that is (strange analogy I know haha). Today was the first day of my placement at the CFCA in San Antonio Palopo. There were so many emotions and thoughts going through my mind as I looked towards today. I was excited to become more involved in the community and the people as well but this idea also threw my anxiety into gear. I knew that my supervisor at my placement does not speak English and that I would need to go armed with my dictionary. I was also nervous about today because its the first day since we've arrive in Guatemala that I haven't seen my friends from the program. We're all around the lake for our placements and living so there are some days when we don't see each other. Knowing that this comfort was being taken away made the day seem a little more nerve racking. Although I was nervous about the language barrier and not seeing my friends, I felt semi-confident in the Spanish I had learned in class over the past two days and thought "Hey I have enough to get me through a conversation right?". I prepared my things this morning, had breakfast with my host mom, and the girl that helps out around the house and the young woman and I set out down the street towards the CFCA office. The walk wasn't long and I tried my best to have a conversation with her in Spanish. She was very sweet and patient and we were able to laugh together over the large amount of flies that had come out since the rain the night before. On our walk there, we experienced some common occurrences as you walk the streets of Guatemala. It is not uncommon to have to move to the side of the (very) skinny roads to avoid the pick-ups that are driving past or cars trying to drive down the street. I also noticed a woman washing her clothes in the lake. Such a strange mix of emotions when I think about the fact that because I come from the US I can't drink the water because it will make me sick but it is probably a daily occurrence for this woman to wash her clothes in the same water that I am afraid to touch. Really makes you think.
After a short 5 minute walk, we arrived at the CFCA office and knocked on the door...no answer. Okay, not the best way to start out a day that is already making me nervous. The girl and I stood at the door for a few minutes and then Rosario, my host mom called her and asked what was happening and she told her Antonio (my placement supervisor) wasn't there yet. Rosario suggested we head back to the house and figure things out from there. So we went on down the steps back towards the house and as we were walking Linda, the director of our program called and gave me the number of Antonio so that my host mom could call him and see what was going on (Rosario called because the convo between Antonio and I would have pretty much gone "Hola. Como estas?" lol). Rosario called once we got back to the house and Antonio said that he was only a few minutes away. So back I went, trying to enjoy the walk as I went back the way I had just come.
I arrived (again) at the CFCA office and Antonio was there. We greeted one another and smiled, holding a small conversation with my shaky Spanish. Thus began one of the most humbling experiences of my life. Like anyone who is fluent in a language, Antonio spoke very fast and the Spanish that I had acquired during my classes with my host mom was slipping from my brain. I slowly felt myself feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I was siting in the room with someone who I could not really understand and who was having a hard time understanding my Spanish (he spoke no English at all). Up to this point, I had always had someone around me during my time here that spoke some English; enough to help me understand what was happening and to be my human dictionary so I could say what I wanted in Spanish. This was totally out of my realm of comfort...I mean pretty much around the world away from what I thought I could handle. I hung in there for awhile trying to understand what was happening, where I was supposed to be, and what the plan was for my placement. Antonio (I think lol) kept asking me if I had a plan and I said to him in Spanish no but I was told you did...and the convo went in circles from there for awhile.
At one point another CFCA gentleman came in and was conversing with me in Spanish. Eventually the conversation sort of stalled and I realized I still did not know what was going on for the day. I sat there for awhile trying to be content with the situation and waiting it out until it was almost an hour and a half since I had arrived and nothing much had happened. At this point I was starting to feel tears but told myself to be strong and use my resources. So I called one of my professors and told her the situation. She than asked to talk to Antonio because she is relatively fluent in Spanish but than the convo got cut off in the middle....ahhh. I called my professor back and she continued to talk to Antonio. Eventually it became understood that I would either help with teaching kids English or doing home visits. Although things had been resolved my cup was way full and I was desperate to talk to talk to someone back home. I first called my sister from my Guatemalan phone, a number she wouldn't have recognized but she didn't answer. I than tried my best friend Lindsay and was able to get a hold of her. You know how it feels when you are with people you don't know and you are able to hold in the tears but when you talk to someone who knows you so well, the walls just break down? Yeah that most definitely happened haha. Linds said hello and asked me how it was going and the tears began to pour from my eyes. Now up until this point I hadn't really been overwhelmed and had embraced the language barrier that existed between me and most of the people. Being by myself, I realized how difficult it really was and realized how much of an immersion experience this really was going to be.
I learned so many things today as I began my service learning journey. One of many was the fact that God can work through and between people even with the biggest of barriers like language. I honestly think God gave Lindsay the free time to answer the phone because I needed so bad to not only talk to someone who could speak English but needed to hear the voice and comfort of someone who I have known more than five days. Through the phone conversation, I learned that Lindsay had sent me an email just that morning with the story from the Bible that talks about all the people that are gathered listening for the gospel and each person hears it in there only language because the Holy Spirit provided for them on the Pentecost. In a small way God is providing me with my own Pentecost experience like the people in this story and is asking me to trust that the Holy Spirit will break through this seemingly impossible language barrier to be able to communicate how much I love them as people and want to be a part of the experience. Lindsay reminded me through this story how amazing it can be the a smile can sometimes communicate more than words and a simple hug can help to show the caring and love that I have for the people around me. Sometimes God forces us to slow down even in the midst of situations that appear to be super overwhelming and places in our path people who remind us of what we already know but sometimes forget...God will never abandon us in out times of need and God created the diversity of language to show how amazing He is not to push us apart. I know that continued studying and learning in my Spanish classes will be helpful to the situation, but I also know that God has placed me here for some reason and I need to embrace that, not fear it. So yeah, sometimes you have to embrace the rain and have a good cry in order to force yourself to slow down and stop trying to "be strong" and let God remind you that no situation is impossible when you give it all up to Him. I felt a hundred times better after talking with Linds and I hope she knows how amazing her listening ear and Biblical advice was to me today.
I ask for continued prayer for communication and prayer that I can continue to be flexible and laugh at the situations that come from my lack of Spanish. Everyone I have encountered has been so patient and kind as I rapidly flip through my dictionary to find the word I need and I need to remember that. People are judging me, they simply appreciate that I am trying. Laughing at myself and not putting pressure and perfection on myself is going to help immensely and I ask for prayer that I can avoid doing those things. No one expects me to be perfect and God doesn't send those who are perfect, He takes them by the hand and guides them. Thank you all for praying and reading...it's so up lifting to come back to my room and see how many people are following my journey. I hope that wherever you are and whatever you are doing you can be reminded that God can overcome the biggest of barriers and that we just need to lay down our defenses and He is there waiting to walk us through those doors that seem like brick walls to us.
Buenos noches amigos :)
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