"Faith never knows where it
is being led; it knows and loves the One Who is leading. It is a life of faith,
not of intelligence and reason, but a life of knowing Who is making me
'go.'" --Oswald Chambers, in Not Knowing Whither from the Quotable Oswald
Chambers.
I can tend to a huge control
freak. I want to know where and when and
how and want to be in charge of the way those things are answered. There is something so freeing about getting
to go on an adventure where things are spontaneous and spur of the moment but
still even in those times there is a plan and an end goal to accomplish. I feel like this move to Philly has
completely ripped the map of control and predictability from my hands and left
me behind the wheel not knowing which way I should go. Sometimes my heart hurts so, so bad for the
familiarity and knowledge of the atmosphere of home or college or even my brief
stink in Mechanicsburg. I miss that ease
that can come with being in a place that is who you are and what you know and
where you feel so comfortable with the people you are with they can at times
feel a part of you.
In just a little over two weeks,
I will have been in Philadelphia for seven months. Seven months of adjustment, new, adventure,
fun, and some struggle. Struggle to give
up that control of where I want to lead and go from how I pictured my job to
where I live to my social support system.
The ability that God has had to slowly break me down to a point of
infantile trust has been humbling and truly hard at times. I miss home and family some days I wish I
could pick up and fly back to the BP, sitting on those familiar green couches
of home with some Ellen, Bentley, and family.
Even with all that wishing and
hoping for what is overly familiar, God continues to make my life “go” as Ozzy
Chambers says….makes it go in wonderful, terrifying, exciting directions that I
could have never planned. Forces me to
move on from that comfort zone of 20+ years and live fully dependent on Him. Fully dependent on a God that yearns for us
to come to Him with all of our anxieties and a heart of thanksgiving
(Philippians 4:6) cause He’s got this in the bag. I mean I will take a peace that transcends
all understanding (Philippians 4:7) than any plan that my intelligence and
reason could come up with. A plan to
bless me more than I can begin to ever be thankful for in caring and wonderful
friends who have become a sort of family here….friends who have become family
in my faith in spontaneous connect group sessions and relaxing meals full of
laughter.
I can venture to say that I am
not the only one who can struggle from time to time with a heart that wants to
take the drivers seat. But I hope and
pray, for myself and everyone I love, that we can do a quick switch at the next
red light to let God get behind the wheel, and take in the beautiful scenery
that is our life. Nothing makes God
happier than when we take that chance to trust Him and choose life in Him
(Deuteronomy 30:19)…not life of our planned circumstances or what we dreamed those
circumstances would be but a life in what He has so intricately planned and
provides for our good.
Take home point: struggles happen, God wants to hear them,
choose life in Him for a life beyond what anyone could imagine….good night
folks J
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